It might be too soon to write this, and I have been thinking really hard about whether to post this or not. However, to me, there is no time more relevant than now. I am having a winter break from university and I have almost no plan for any trip or anything big to do during this 2-week-long break, therefore, I am technically free.
This year was really a blast, both positive and negative. My whole life changed so fast that I did not have that much time to catch up with things. After a blink of an eye, I realized that I am miles away from home now, and I have to do everything on my own from now on. There were many things that I have done accordingly to my dreams and plans, some has been successfully carried out but some were not really fulfilling at all. Above all that, there were so much failures, disappointments and loss that sometimes I could not bear thinking about it again. The first half of the year was good overall, but when June came, things started to drift away from me. i lost my old world, my friends, my old life as an ignorant young man. Then when I came to Japan, I learnt a lot from failures, from rushing things too fast. I have not gotten homesick at all, but sometimes it tears me apart thinking about home, family, my “world” and all that I had.
Ever since I was a child, I have been well known as the most hot-tempered person around. Let’s forget about the details, but I have caused so much frustrations and conflicts with people around me because of my temper. I knew it and have been trying to fix a thing or two, and I thought I have succeeded. Nevertheless, through thicks and thins, I realized once again that I am the same hot tempered boy and have not changed an inch. There were people told me that I do not have to change and I should neglect what people say. Perhaps I have been clinging to those words as an excuse to keep myself bad and spoiled. Keeping this bad characteristic of mine brought some people to feel bad about me, more or less. Maybe i should slow things down and take some steps back. Perhaps it is for the best that i should learn things from afar and grow up first.
However, as i am a brighter and happier person now, I will not keep my note as dark as my previous ones anymore. Things have been bad, but not everything. I came to a new environment, new weather. I met tons of new talented and inspiring people. Looking at their achievements makes me want to bite my lips and try more. I had opportunities that not many people can meet and learnt a lot from them. I found a corner of myself that I have never thought of discovering, and in that very corner stood a young man that no words or judgements can define. I found the hobby that I can sacrifice other things to keep. I also found that I love giving people what they do not give me: they may not like me, but I will not hate them or talk bad things about them; they may not care about me, but I will learn to care and help them. Being a nice young man perhaps is not so hard after all.
Next year, I hope pretty things will reach me and disappointments will start to leave me. May everyone have a blessed year with their love ones.
